When you break the news of your pregnancy to your spouse, it is a huge moment of joy and a long wait, before the baby arrives. Everything looks and feels beautiful. Suddenly life has a purpose, a new meaning. Till now, there were only two of you, but now there will be an addition to the family, and you have to be more scheduled, responsible and available. This also implies that you will have lesser time for each other. Although most couples transition to parenthood quite naturally, all sorts of issues can stir up and you may feel unsettled or “off balance” after the arrival of your baby. Stress becomes an inherent part and unspoken emotions translate into spoken dissatisfaction. But when we spoke to some experienced moms, we could see that the happiest couples are those who did not “forget” being a couple while being “parents” Here is all that they think they did (and worked) and you could try too!
Why Do Family Equations Change After A Baby?
Once you have your little bundle of joy in your hands, your life will be an emotional roller coaster. One moment you will be happy seeing the innocent face of your baby. The other moment you will feel restless, as you fear that you are doing something wrong with your baby. Just when you feel, your family is complete; your life is upside down with erratic sleep schedules, middle of the night feedings. Your baby becomes the center of all your conversation. Your day starts with the baby and ends with him. Your spouse might end up feel neglected. Things, which you and your spouse used to do before like late night movies or long drives will have to take a backseat for a while. Accept the fact, that life will be not be the same as. You are bound to get irritated due to lack of sleep, which takes a toll on your relationship. When baby is small, it will sleep for few hours at one time. You and your partner will be pressed for time. Your spouse may feel that you are not giving him enough time and you may feel that he isn’t helping enough. And to think of it, if you do make some time to talk, a change of diaper is probably calling. So how do you keep your relationship rolling and going string when all your energy and emotions are demanded and driven towards the baby? Read the below easy ways.
8 Ways To Have A Stress Free Relation With Your Spouse After A Baby
Surely, a new baby can stress you out but there are ways out. Remember, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Make it work for you. Remember, you have a life partner, and you are a couple before you became a parent. The below tips will surely help:
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- Communicate: Now is the time to put your communication skills to use. Communication is the key to any relation. Talk to your spouse about what you are going through – you fears, pressures, apprehensions, and expectations. Let your partner know what and how you are “seeing” things. Also, it important to hear your spouse, because his life has also been changed completely
- Take turns: A baby comes with his own needs and that needs to be addressed. So share your responsibilities and take turns with the duties that are associated with the baby. If the husband can take the night time feed duty, rely on him and do not question or assess him unnecessarily. Trust his instincts and abilities and also give him a free hand
- Make a schedule: Babies make their own schedule. Get things done when baby is sleeping. After a while, you will get the hang of things and will be more confident. When baby is sleeping early morning or nap time, take that time out for coffee or catch up with the news. Use that time to chat or have a quick sex. You will see that little effort from both sides can make life look easy. A baby does disrupt your life and lifestyle, but there is nothing that cannot be worked out
- Go for small things: So a love night might be the last thing on your mind, but you can always make some time for a hug, a kiss, a cuddle, some ruffle in the hair, a short massage …and so much more. You will feel relaxed and feel close to your spouse. Keeping romance alive in your marriage does not imply you have sex every other night, so many little things make up for so much more love
- Take help: There is no harm in taking help from well-meaning friends and relatives. Do not hesitate to ask for help. Be it a parent or a baby sitter. If parents are there for help, balance your life or take control of your life by catching up with friends or take a walk outside. Never feel shy to ask for help, no one is a ‘Superwomen’ so do not try to be one
- Claim your sex life: Sex may be the last thing on your mind but making time for it will leave you feel better, relaxed and close to your spouse. Yes, sex after childbirth can be different at first, and you can read more about it here
- Take a break: While your parents are there to help, step out of the house. Have date nights with your partner. Sip that coffee or go for a movie. Rejuvenate your relationship. If you are in the mood, go for quick sex. If sex is not possible, hug and feel each other close
- Take time for yourself: Take a trip to the spa. Energize yourself. Experts say that when a couple spends time away from each other, they have something more to talk about other than “routine“. You also get a chance to “miss” each other a bit. Once you feel happy about yourself, your relation will also see positive changes
Having a baby gives you the joy and happiness. It takes a little understanding and adjustments from both sides to figure out that you need not be stressed nor should your relationship suffer. Baby is here to stay and not to rob you of your precious “us” time. While you are still adjusting in your new roles as mom and dad, take your time and understand things from others point of view. Take small steps. Things will get better.
It will take time to stir up your lost moments but eventually you will reach there. Be patient!
Read more on the subject of being a great mom and a wife here
