As if motherhood does not throw enough challenges, most mommies need to also deal with difference of opinion with their mothers-in-law. You may have heard a many jokes about mother-in-laws, but when it comes to dealing with your very own, up close and personally – especially when raising a baby – it isn’t easy to see the funny side. We tell you, in this article, how to play smart and how to put up with the mother-in-law while raising the baby.
Why Do Problems Arise Between You And Mother-In-Law?
You might have had a great rapport with your mother-in-law before or you might always have felt a drift. You might also be somewhere in between both these ranges. Whatever be the case, there is a high chance of things taking a turn for worse when you have a baby. This is because mothers-in-law come with an “I have done this before, so I know better” attitude. And as a mother of modern age, you have done your research and you come with a “my way is better because science is with me” attitude. This is not surprising because different generations always tend to differ on the topic of parenting and raising children.
What Are Some Of The Most Common Sore Points Mothers-In-Law Raise?
- Food:
- “Why are you not feeding him solids?”
- “If grandma gives chocolates, it won’t harm the teeth”
- “She was hungry. So I gave her chips”
- Discipline:
- “It is ok to spank the child“
- “Time-outs are for western kids”
- Dressing:
- “Why have you bundled him up?”
- “Why is he not wearing socks?”
- “Why have you put thin clothes?”
- Indulgence:
- “In our times, we never gave kids so many options”
- “I was watching TV serial. So I let her too”
And so on and so forth.
How To Deal With Your Mother-In-Law When Raising A Baby
Whether you love or hate your mom-in-law, you do not want to fight a battle when you have a baby to tend to. You also do not want more problems in your life. A drift between you and your mother-in-law at this stage can also cause problems between you and your spouse. So, considering all these, it is wiser to deal with your mother-in-law in a mature way. Here are some tips that can help:
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- Understand that they are well-meaning: At the end of the day, your baby is their grandchild. Whether you agree with their advice or not, they are saying that in a well-meaning manner as they honestly believe that their advice will help their grandchild. Of course, they might communicate this in a condescending manner that might annoy you. But their intentions are not vicious
- Try to find the logic behind an advice: Sure, they do not know everything. But we do not either, right? So if your mother-in-law suggests something, calmly ask them “how does that help?” Listen to their logic, if they have one. If it makes sense, tell them that you will consider it. If they have no logic, inform them sweetly that you are scared to do something which might not be right. If they do give a logic and you do not buy it, try to bring in your baby’s pediatrician to rescue. Tell your mother-in-law that you will ask the pediatrician about this and do as the doctor says. The idea in this whole exercise is to act interested in their advice, while at the same time do what you want to do
- Keep your husband in loop: As we said before, this is a period when even the relationship between you and your husband would be evolving. You do not want any misunderstanding or miscommunications here. If you and your husband have the same thoughts about parenting, then that is great. Your husband can even be your messenger who can deal with your mother-in-law. However, if your husband agrees with your mother-in-law and not you, then you need to have a detailed sit-down discussion with your spouse because you both need to be on the same page when it comes to raising your child
- Communicate: However annoying they seem to be, try to avoid a cold war. A silent treatment or passive aggression might look like a better idea, but many at times, things can run smoother with communication. Without sounding accusatory, try to have a dialogue with your mother-in-law. Politely tell them why you do what you do and the reasons behind it. Tell her you know she is trying to help. However, inform her you want to do it your way and you need her help in achieving that
- Keep a cool head: Words once spoken cannot be taken back. You are having a difficult life right now. It is easy to lose your cool and say something rude that you might later regret. Take the higher ground here. Do not let the stress get to you
Taking care of a baby can be a stressful job as you have to deal not only with lack of sleep but also continuous cycle of diaper changing and feeding. So it is easy to feel a little overwhelmed and any kind advice can look like interference. Raising kids is a topic where the generations tend to differ. But all you are required to do is change your approach a little and accept the advice or help that is offered; you may badly need it! Having a helpful, supportive mother in law can be a great boon to a new mom and baby, and a strong bond between the mother in law and daughter in law can ensure a happy and loving environment for everyone at home. All the best!
