It is not easy to cope with a miscarriage. You are going through your life’s most painful and disappointing phase. You must be feeling grief-laden with guilt and anger. Added to that, the hormonal surge in your body would make you feel further depressed. At such a point in time, it becomes even tougher to break the news of your miscarriage.
While you struggle to stay afloat in this unpleasant and unfortunate period in your life, you are also faced with the responsibility of breaking this news to your close family and friends, who, a few months/days back celebrated your pregnancy announcement with you. Understandably, this would not be something you are looking forward to. That said, it is also essential to inform your loved ones so that they are aware and can support you.
Breaking The News Of Miscarriage To Others
For any couple expecting their baby, miscarriage is beyond heartbreaking. But it is more painful to disclose it to people who supported them and keenly waited for the little one. But it would help if you informed your friends and family about the miscarriage because it is your responsibility. However, please remember, even while you are breaking the news of miscarriage to others, your physical and mental health should be your priority.
1. Let Someone Else Handle It For You
The initial days and weeks are the hardest and you might not be emotionally ready to talk about the miscarriage yet. At the same time, you do not want questions like “How is the baby doing?”. The best way out is to enlist a close friend to spread the word on your behalf. This way people would come to know and at the same time you are saved from the repeated narrations
No matter whether it is a week or a month, talking about losing a child can be an emotional turmoil for the parents. So, rather than sharing the news yourself, you can delegate the task to some trusted family member or friend who will handle it while you cope with the situation.
2. Write It
There is no shame in writing about it instead of speaking. You can email or WhatsApp the people you want about the news. Mention that you are not yet ready to talk about it and hence use the written word. This will help avoid immediate calls from well-wishers. Further, if you have posted on any social media site about your pregnancy, make it a point to post an update on the same site
3. Limit The Information Shared
If you are breaking the news orally, then there would be follow-up questions. If you do not want to go into details, you can keep it vague or admit honestly that it is difficult for you to talk in detail about it. People who truly want to help you will understand. For others, you are not indebted to feed their curious minds. Do not feel pressurized to divulge information you do not want to divulge
4. Be Prepared To Be Advised
All your friends and families would want to comfort you and boost your morale. While they do this out of love and good intentions, it can be annoying and painfully repetitive to you. At the same time, you can’t quite ask them to shut up. So be prepared mentally to listen to some advises
5. Be Prepared To Be Saddened
Often people do not know how to respond to such sad news. And they may end up saying something unintentionally that might sound hurtful and accusing to you (“You traveled so much! You should not have done that!” or “I told you to stop exercising”). This will hurt you so be prepared to hear them and discard them from your mind
6. Tell People What You Want
Many well-meaning friends and relatives want to help you and share your grief but do not know how to. When people offer, be open and receptive to the idea of sharing. Maybe a friend can watch over other kids so that you have some time alone. Or someone can listen to you patiently and you can express openly how you are feeling.
Venting out emotions can be your first step towards healing yourself. However, if you still do not want to talk about your feelings, let your friends know
Breaking the news to your small children, if any, can be even trickier. They might not fully understand what you are telling them. But they will sense your grief. If you can get someone close to you to look after your child for a while, that will be great.
Further, once you break the news to everyone, your loved ones will want to help you in any way required. However, they might not be quite sure if they should barge into the privacy of your loss or stay away. If you need help, seek it. If someone offers to help you, help them help you by specifying what you want (“Can you watch over the older one till I’m back on my feet?”).
And above everything, stay strong and understand this is not the end of the road for you. Your baby will never be forgotten. However, if you find the grief unmanageable, don’t hesitate to get help from a therapist.
FAQ’s
1. How Do I Share News Of Miscarriage?
You can share the news of your miscarriage orally if you want to inform your close friends and family or delegate it to someone close. Otherwise, you may send a mail or text, and tell others about your miscarriage.
2. How Do You Tell Others You Had a Miscarriage?
Mail or convey orally about your loss. You can keep the message simple and short.
3. How To Break Bad News About Miscarriage?
If you made your pregnancy announcement through a social media post, you can also post a short message online to break the bad news to others.
4. Can I Get Fingered After a Miscarriage?
It is not safe to get fingered, have penetrative sex, or insert toys in the vagina soon after the miscarriage. It is better to wait for the bleeding to stop and prevent infection and injury.
