Tips to Prevent Toddler Tantrums

When your toddler throws a temper tantrum at home, or amidst a public gathering, you’re left with a storm to be handled calmly. As a parent, you must have faced such a situation innumerable times in your daily life. However, chances are that this won’t be the first or last time you’ll face this kind of a challenge as toddler tantrums are recurrent.

Can You Stop Toddlers From Having Tantrums?

All toddlers throw tantrums at some point of their developmental age. Toddler tantrums happen mostly because of their lack of ability to express feelings with words. Therefore, they tend to express their anger and frustration through crying, screaming, shouting (1). Sometimes, they may do odd actions such as throwing objects, sitting on the floor and whining constantly.

This means that you cannot stop toddlers from having tantrums altogether. Understanding the triggers is important for management of tantrums. Moreover, by using strategies, the frequency, intensity, and duration of temper outburst can be easily managed. Researchers have also found that almost 91% of toddlers in the age group of 30-36 months throw tantrums. Anger and emotional distress happens to be the foremost reason (2).

What to do if Your Toddler Throws Tantrums in Public?

When your tiny tot throws tantrums in public, it is indeed embarrassing for you. You must be wondering what else in this world can be worse than this scenario. Right? But, as a parent, you need to understand that unlike your toddler’s whining and screaming, you have a better control over your emotions. Thus, you need to stay calm and allow the episode to run its course unless it’s too much. You can follow certain tips to pacify your toddler at that moment by –

Have patience and stay calm even if you’re boiling deep within
You can try to move to a less crowded place till your toddler feels better
Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that you’re there for help and assistance
Be firm with your expectations and let them know how you want them to behave publicly
You can distract them by getting them anything that can bring back smile on their face
Offer choices and let them decide what they would prefer to stay well-behaved in public places
Never resort to punishment at this point of time as it can increase the tantrum
Give them warnings and let them know their limits. In this way, your toddler also knows that negative reactions in public places are a ‘no’ always

Top 10 Tips to Prevent Your Toddler’s Tantrums

The goal of discipline is to teach your toddler acceptable ways of behavior. Thus, you should never yell or spank your tiny one with the hope that they would stop throwing outbursts. Some of the tips that you can use are given here –

1. Be Firm With Rules

At times, you may feel like giving up and do things as per your toddler’s wish, just because you want to end the tantrum episode. However, this can actually reinforce their tantrum unknowingly. For example: If your toddler demands a toy in a supermarket that you do not wish to buy at the moment, they may cry loudly. Eventually, if you buy the toy just to stop the tantrum episode, it may actually backfire. Thus, if you say ‘no’ firmly and stick to it, they’ll get the message that crying or screaming constantly may not always work.

2. Allow Them to Feel The Way They Want

Your tiny tot is overwhelmed at the moment and needs to vent out their strong feelings. Thus, you should let them feel their emotions and let it run its course. Let them feel their sadness, anger, and disappointment intensely so that they feel better.

3. Your Calm Demeanor Matters

Always try to maintain your composure while your toddler is throwing tantrums. Remember that they are watching you, and can easily imitate your annoying responses. As a parent, model behaviors that are friendly, yet firm. Never give in to their illegitimate demands, however give them assurance that you’re always there to support them.

4. Avoid Situations That Can Trigger Tantrums

If you know that your toddler throws tantrums when they’re hungry, you need to plan ahead and feed them on time. Establish a consistent routine and stick to it. If delays trigger sudden outbursts, you need to avoid such situations completely. In this way, you can also check public temper tantrums in them.

5. Offer Distractions

If you sense a tantrum brewing, you can redirect their attention to something else. By doing this, you’re taking them away from their source of frustration. Chances are, they will forget the episode instantly. You can offer them their favorite food or take them to a nearby park for the moment.

6. Give Them Quality Time

Sometimes, your toddler just wants your attention and thus frustrates you with their screams and cries (3). They want your love and affection, time and understanding. It is vital to be with them when they need you, so that they feel heard and accepted. Play with them, or read them a book and spend quality time with them.

7. Offer Compliments

Never forget to praise your little one when they listen to you. It motivates them to behave in desirable ways. Provide additional attention when your toddler displays positive behavior. Offer hugs or express pride in them when they stop throwing tantrums, or follow instructions.

8. Give Them Choices

Always provide your toddler with limited choices at a shopping mall or food court so that they know where to stop. It empowers them and gives them a chance to assert themselves. Knowing their limits also helps them understand what is expected from them in public places.

9. Allow Them Time to Stop And Relax

For older toddlers, it is best to give them some time to settle the issue on their own. They may not be easily diverted, thus you can place them in a safe space and step out of the situation momentarily. Typically, when toddler’s don’t have an audience, they tend to cease their tantrums quickly.

10. Use Clear Communication

If you want your toddler to behave in desirable ways, make sure that you use simple language to explain their limits. It gives them concise directions of what to do and what not, especially in a public place.

What to do After The Temper Tantrum?

After the episode subsides your toddler may seem to feel tired and exhausted. You can offer them support by doing the following things-

Once your toddler has calmed down, discuss the incident calmly and help them understand more appropriate ways to express their feelings
Offer hugs and support them emotionally
Engage them in another activity that they like and distract them
Reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset and things are all good at the moment
Show patience while you talk to your toddler so that they pick up positive cues from your behavior

When to Worry About Temper Tantrums And Get Additional Help?

Occasional temper tantrums are common and not a cause of concern. However, if temper tantrums are too intense and occur frequently, then it is good to talk to your toddler’s physician or visit a child counselor. Sometimes expert advice helps to manage toddlers in a much better way than what you could do at home all by yourself.

When toddlers throw temper tantrums at home or publicly, remember that they are not deliberately trying to malign your reputation. Probably, it’s the only way they know to relieve themselves from the deepest anger and frustration that has already set in them. With proper guidance, these toddler tantrums can be successfully tamed. Sometimes, you may give in to their tantrums, but at other times use these tips given above to handle such situations in a better way.

FAQ’s

1. At What Age do Tantrums Start?

Tantrums may typically begin by 2 years. It happens because they try to assert their sense of freedom yet struggle to do so with proper channeling of strong feelings. Sometimes, toddlers as young as 1 year may also display occasional temper outbursts.

2. Should You Ignore Tantrums?

Ignoring tantrums helps when outbursts are occasional and attention-seeking. However, if the temper tantrum poses a threat to the toddler or any other person involved, it shouldn’t be ignored. As a parent, you need to assess the situation and take a call.

3. How Long Does a Normal Tantrum Last?

The duration of tantrums may vary depending upon the situation, the trigger, and toddler’s age. On average, tantrums can last from a few minutes to even half an hour.

4. What Happens in The Brain During a Temper Tantrum?

During a temper tantrum, certain areas of the brain that are responsible for emotional regulation, such as the amygdala experiences heightened activity. As a result, emotional overload occurs resulting in decrease of rational thinking and impulse control, leading to tantrums.

5. If my Child Throws a Tantrum, Does That Mean I’m a Bad Parent?

No, a toddler’s tantrum episode doesn’t explain your parenting skills. It is a normal part of growing up and can take place irrespective of your best parenting style.

6. How do You Calm Down a Kid Having a Tantrum?

When you want to calm down a kid having a tantrum outburst, you need to maintain composure yourself. Moreover, offer help if needed or else distract them away from the source of annoyance temporarily.

References

Sisterhen LL, Wy PAW. Temper Tantrums. [Updated 2023 Feb 4]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544286/
Potegal M, Davidson RJ. Temper tantrums in young children: 1. Behavioral composition. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2003 Jun;24(3):140-7. doi: 10.1097/00004703-200306000-00002. PMID: 12806225. – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12806225/
Ayman.K. Bani Salameh, Ph.D, RN, Malakeh.Z. Malak, Ph.D, CNS, RN, Rasmieh.M. Al-Amer
Omar.S.H. Al Omari, Ph.D, RN, Mamdouh El-Hneiti, Ph.D, RN, Loai.M. Abu Sharour, Ph.D, RN
Published: February 24, 2021 DOI:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pedn.2021.02.008 – https://www.pediatricnursing.org/article/S0882-5963(21)00049-X/abstract

Top 10 Tips to Prevent Toddler Tantrums