Congratulations on becoming a parent. This will, no doubt, be one of the toughest, and yet immensely satisfying, job you have ever done.
Now that you have got a new member in your home, your life is bound to change quite a bit. You have to constantly care for the little one, set aside time to play with him/her, plan meals, and take care the additional laundry, all the while managing various household chores. Most couples take turns in doing many of these tasks – wife feeds while husbands cleans up, husband plays with the baby while wife naps, wife takes care of laundry while husband takes care of dishes and so on. While both of you are taking turns and working relentlessly in your new role as parents, one thing that you might easily forget is your old role as a couple. Having a new member in your life (and bedroom!) does not necessarily mean you have to say good bye, even temporarily, to the romance you had in life.
10 Tips to Sneak Romance After A Baby
Here are 10 tips you can follow, whether you are the husband or wife, to sneak romance after a baby:
Redefine your expectations: You are not the same person as before and you do not have the same time as before – so it is unrealistic to expect to have the ‘same kind’ of love life like you had before. Both of you need to redefine your views on love, sex and life. And interestingly, the views might even vary from each other as your prioritization changes after a baby. Sit down and discuss this out. There is no better way!
Start dating, again: Whether you realize it or not, dating is not all that impractical after a baby. All you need is a bit of planning, a bit of help and lot of commitment. When the baby is still an infant, you might not be able to sneak out of your house for a long time. In those days, you can just go for quick coffee dates, or even let the baby sleep in the room while you have a romantic dinner on your own dining table. If the baby is slightly older you can of course get a nanny or grand parent to watch over, while you go for a movie or dinner. While all this sounds good, it would not happen, unless you plan it beforehand. Make this part of your weekly routine – initially you might have to push yourself and it would be more convenient to just cancel the date. But if you hold on to it, not only that you would have instilled a great habit in your life, your child would also grow accustomed to it
Go for evening/night stroll together: If there is a care taker for your baby at home (grandparents/nanny), then try to sneak out a night stroll together. The advantages are plenty – you get to spend time together, you get a chance to talk, you get to be physically close, you get fresh air!! Even if you do not have a support system at home, you could just invest in a pram and take your sleeping baby along with you on the walks
Set aside couple-time every day: Before you think it is impossible, let us clarify. We do not mean an hour or two. Even if it is just 5 minutes, plan one time during the day, every day, that you can sit next to each other. Ideally, you should plan it around baby’s nap time. Next bit is very important – in these five minutes, focus on the aspects of life that is NOT related to your child. Because, believe it or not, you guys already talk and discuss the baby a lot. What you do not discuss is each other’s day, feelings, challenges at work and so on. Spend 5 mins every day to talk about this. Without fail, even if you just want to hit the sack the moment your baby naps
Flirt again, even on mobile: Remember how you guys used to send funny, quirky, flirty, naughty messages to each other before marriage? Bring that back! If either or both of you keep hectic schedules at work or travel a lot on job, it might be impractical to suggest going on dates and walks together. So do what long distance love birds do – use sms/whatsapp/gtalk – whatever is convenient for both of you to keep in touch throughout the day. Send sweet notes, get naughty or even just ask about each other’s well-being
Do little things that count: Sometimes even small actions would count. Try to go to sleep at the same time. In many homes, the husband usually stays back late. If you go to bed together, you get to unwind together. If both of you are working, you could take half-day leave once in a while and go for a leisurely lunch
Remind yourself that your marriage is for life: Your children will leave your home in pursuit of their own once they are big enough. What you have for life is the companionship of each other. Always remember that. Your child is definitely important for you, no doubt. But your spouse is the most important person in your life. If you know this clearly, then prioritizing your time would become much easier
Be patient: If you are ready to start romancing again, but your partner is not, then be patient. Talk to your partner, understand what is holding him/her back. Understand that it is just a phase and more you talk and more you invest in your relationship, faster will your partner turn around and start reciprocating to your feelings
Don’t procrastinate: Many couples just decide to keep the romance (and their sex life) low in the short- and medium-term, and hope to rekindle it once the baby grows up a little. This sounds pragmatic, but it also would soon become a habit. Children will always be demanding, no matter what age they are in. And you will continue to give each other their excuse to keep romance out of your lives. Do not fall into this trap. Take action today. Or from now – be spontaneous and pick that phone and send him/her a text now!
Give your spouse a break: You might wonder what is romantic about taking up all the baby/household work and giving your partner a day off. Plenty, we say. Despite following all the tips we mentioned above, the fact remains that both of you are extremely busy and stretched for time. There is no better way to show your love than by lifting the load off your partner’s shoulders, even for a day. Let him/her go out with friends, spend some me-time reading, or even just nap. Your sacrifice would be worth it as your partner would be grateful and likely return the favor!
While we focused this article on romance, your sex life also is something you need to think about. Click here to read about sex life after a baby.