Pregnancy drives everyone crazy, to say the least. While a couple is rejoiced to find out that they are having a baby, they also have their share of turbulences and apprehensions. Sometimes, the huge responsibility on its way gives rise to fights and arguments between a couple. Well, though we hope that your marriage has the most smooth sail when you are expecting, we have also enlisted 7 common fights that expecting couples have, and how to get past these issues.
7 Most Common Fights That Expecting Couples Have
My husband does not show sensitivity: This is the common complaint of the wife. When she is dealing with such a monumental hectic phase, she expects understanding and sensitivity from the husband. The partner can find this difficult to adjust because everything is changed and his wife needs constant attention. He finds his regular routine disrupted and this conflict leads to arguments.
Well, truly husbands must realize the extreme gravity of the situation! Overplaying hormones, physical and mental exertion, mood swings and everything else about pregnancy just makes her want that level of understanding and assurance that everything will be fine. If you are complaining about a change in routine, just think how much has her life changed in the last few months. Take care of her, say sorry if that sets things right, and make sure that she is happy all the time. Simply put, this is her time, let her have it
The sex issue: A woman’s body becomes extremely ‘charged’, so to say, during pregnancy. With her reproductive system going through all the hectic hormonal changes among other things, her body grows most beautifully! Maternal beauty is actually most divine. The husband may naturally feel all turned on with the big bosoms and the pheromones. He might be wanting to feel his ‘new wife’, while she may only want to sleep hugging the body pillow.
Well, the thing is, many women are afraid about hurting themselves or their babies in sex. Sometimes, leaking pee or other embarrassing episodes might turn a woman off completely. Sex during pregnancy is not be avoided, (unless the doctor says so) but many precautions should be maintained. Women can talk about this to their doctors, and learn how to have safe sex during pregnancy. It is actually very much enjoyable and believe it or not; sex can alleviate the stress also
The in-law issue: This is something totally unwanted but is very common in traditional Indian families. Bickering in-laws can be extra stressful to a wife who is already going through a lot of stress. Since the in-laws are women themselves, they find it natural sometimes to negate the stress of the wife. Many things have changed with time, your wife may not agree with your mother’s ‘eating for two’ concept; for instance. Or she may want to avoid the ghee and the ladoos and eat healthier, fulfilling food – which older people may not agree with. Some in-laws also object to women working during pregnancy, citing objection-ability, while the modern concept of pregnancy is no more ‘an illness’ where one should be confined. The only way to solve this at home is for the husband to take a tough stance and balance the old with the new. However, many expectant women also go and live in maternal homes for a peaceful pregnancy phase. Choose the solution that is best
Time management issue: Nothing is more depressing for a pregnant woman to go alone for doctor’s visit in an advanced stage. When he cannot find time from office work, she naturally feels bad. The only solution is for the husband to find the time because she cannot miss the doctor’s appointment at any cost! A husband must plan and organize his office schedules and make himself available for the scans, checkups and other visits where the wife needs moral support. Not only this, try not to take newer projects and keep your professional ambitions lower during this period. This way, you will be able to giive more time to your wife, and both of you will bond like never before
Suspicion: Things can get very serious when the wife suspects the husband to have an affair because he cannot find her on bed as often. Women undergo tremendous stress seeing their changing bodies and loosing their figure. They cannot fit in what they want to wear, and they cannot look their best with hormonal changes happening constantly. This transition calls for utmost co-operation from the husband, and if the wife feels that someone else is getting more attention, her negative thoughts overpower her senses and she gets suspicious. As a wife, you just rely on the foundation of your relationship before you even think of accusing your husband. Nothing can be said on this, except the fact that if true – this is probably the worst kind of cheating from a husband. Get it right!
Name fight: Now, this is totally the sweetest of all couple fights. Essentially, the husband and wife quarrel on the baby’s name. This can also get serious though if the husband want to give the baby a name according to his family traditions, but the wife thinks otherwise because she feels she has the upper say in this matter. Nevertheless, in the sweetest versions of this tiff, couples usually reach a beautiful balanced agreement on the name, and make it up by the magical antidote of passionate kissing!
The money issue: Pregnancy is also exhaustive on the budget. Babies can be real expensive. Couple this with a job loss for the woman if she is working and life gets thrown out of gear. For families on tough budgets, this inevitably leads to conflicts and accusations. Often, husbands accuse wives of ‘unplanned’ pregnancy at this pretext. This is totally not done because she expects your support and not being made to feel guilty for carrying a child of love. Plan a budget.
Look for alternatives to traditional hospitals. For example, in Kerala, you can find Ayurveda facilities arranging ‘bathtub delivery’. This is actually a great idea because, although it sounds unbelievable, yet human babies know to swim right from birth! Besides, the baby is already in a liquid ambiance inside the womb!
Role Of Husband In Pregnancy
This basic complex branches out into different issues, sometimes even going to the extreme of blaming each other on an ‘unplanned’ pregnancy! Different social factors also contribute because the wife is on a long maternity leave and the husband has to make for the office. Sometimes, he skips the doctor visits and wants to take the fun route with his friends, further fueling the conflict. Sometimes the wife acts moody, and blames the hormones.
5 Things That Dads-to-be Can Do
Listen to her concerns: Though she is excited and thrilled about having a baby, she is also scared and nervous about the changes, the pains, and the daily brushes with pregnancy hormones. No, you cannot take the pains and deliver a baby, but you can be encouraging, respectful and ease out her fears
Share household responsibilities: Even if you have not done this before, now is a good start. Start with helping around the house, cleaning, chopping, shopping – anything that you will. This will make your wife feel that you are involved with her and the baby, and her loving smile will satiate all your tiredness
Tell her she is beautiful: Baby bumps are cute, sure. But it is not necessary that you find her sexy with the bump! When you notice her struggling with clothes every morning while dressing for work, look into her eyes and tell her how beautiful she is. A simple line, a powerful outcome
Go to the doctor together: Do not even think of of skipping those important doctor appointments – always remember, you are in this together. Your work will continue for a lifetime, but she is pregnant only for 9 months
Attend parenting classes: All of us come from different backgrounds, and if you both do not seem to agree on which parenting style you would adopt, then do join the parenting classes and attend them together. Parenting is only a mother’s job, it is your’s too!
All these things happen, but they should be resolved at the earliest because seriously stress is not good for the mother and the baby. The wife must understand that the husband is also going through tremendous changes, and because he cannot feel the baby inside, it is bit difficult for him. No amount of sacrifice you do (taking leaves etc.) can ever compensate the responsibility of carrying a growing baby inside the womb! Moreover, your relationship with each other after the baby will depend on how your relation is while you are expecting. The golden rule is obviously to support the expecting mother happily on all counts.